First up on this weeks round up of upcoming cycling gob events in Glasgow, Bike Gob brings you, tonight, at 7.30pm, leaving from Blythswood Square... the Photocat.
The strange and eerie world of poorly attended Scottish city alleycats kicks off for the season with a low-key production brought to you by your local internet forumgers at Glasgow Fixed Gear (and Single Speed) (with foot retention) (and horrendous skin suits).
Bike Gob loves alleycats and is obviously awesome at them. One of the best things about alleycats is that only gobs who have done alleycats know what alleycats are. This means that because alot of gobs prefer to know what they are letting their gobs in for, only totally rad gobs take part. This ensures that the whole alleycat thing stays underground where it should be.
As Bike Gob mentioned, alleycats in these here parts can be varyingly low in number. If you are going to take the brave step to go to your first alleycat, hurray for you and in honour of your stupidity, and despite the staying underground thing that Bike Gob just said, Bike Gob has a few survival tips for you.
Turning up at the start of an alleycat is the hardest bit. While everyone else may be standing around looking oh so too cool to talk to anyone, inside they are all thinking they same as you - "I'm here, who's in charge, do I have to pay, shit I forgot to take my mudguards off, now what do I do, why is nobody talking to each other, they must all know each other, god look at their stupid bike, I might just go home". Don't go home though. Enduring this bit is your tester for the fun about to smack you full on in your rib cage.
Once you have your 'Manifest' enjoy yourself, but remember that just because the gobs in front ran some ridiculously mortal red light, doesn't mean that a car in your brain is going to hurt any less.
In the words of the forumgers, dbad. Plan your route before, during or after, use your phone, don't use your phone, lose graciously, buy a round, cheat, don't cheat, share your prizes, don't share your prizes, but please, dbad.
Up for it? Keep an eye on the thread here for last minute cancellations and/or late night post-pub "yeah I totally could have balled that one in Sleazy's" type posts that won't be there in the morning.
Bike Gob says, do it.